Cricket Info

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Sardari Jokes......! (Laugh Makes Life Beautiful)

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.


Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.


Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass..


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Server Bole To!!!

Karthik: First year was the most hectic year in my engineering academic life. On one side I was about to leave Physics and Chemistry forever and on other side I was about to join the geek world.


Scene:First year computer practical exam.

Venue:Computer Lab

Time:The worst possible time...Around 12 o’clock.




The last day of my first year exams and the biggest mountain is still not conquered - “Computer Practical”. The only thing I learned in last one year is to differentiate between a CPU and a monitor. This is the only true knowledge I have about this subject.

Let me look at the search and sort program again.

Scanf then printf….Oops…printf then scanf… # include iostream.h…#include conio.h…clrscr()

Oh...God...I wish that share folder still exists… I hope the netsend command still works.
God...Help me… main ()…curly brackets open….

Oops !! There he is, the most brilliant student of our class Janeesh K.J , the one who asked doubt to our Mechanical faculty on the first day itself. A tough question “Sir, is it possible to store data on WordStar instead of Access “.

Ghosh!!! What’s WordStar?? What’s Access??I am going to fail.

He looks too cool. Boy…5 more minutes left... C came after B…now we have C++ and VC++…C was discovered/invented (not sure) by Dennis Richie….

I can hear one of the gal asking Janeesh “What’s ANSI C ?”

Oops...I don’t know even that...Probably discovered by Ancy… so C was discovered by both Dennis and Ancy… might behusband - wife.

Here comes the lab assistant.

“Guys get in!!!”

So at last the time has come. Utmost one more supplementary. Huh!!! Karthik …you have been through these situations now and then … bravo...Come on!!!!

I entered the lab with shaking hands...legs…entire body...

Oh that’s my system!!!! It’s still vacant…my shared drives…. Ha ha ha ..great

“Hey…take this system…sit according to your rollnumber” (In came the voice of lab assistant)

What the…H*%$ is it….?

Hey even this system is far from the faculty’s desk. This is great.

“Now !! turn over the sheet of paper on your desk, you have to complete the task in 3 hours. First write down the algorithm and then start doing the program.”

So...This is it… Come on…let’s see what’s in there….

Write a program to sort N natural numbers in ascending order and then perform search operation.

(PS: Use Bubble sort and binary search).

Nice question the one I have mugged up. Take this Compy – Dompy…

#include iostream.h…#include conio.h..main()….

Its’ over and still plenty of time left. Let me see what others are doing. Oh !! God they all are gone. Was this paper that easy!!

“Karthik are you finished with the work?”

“Yes Mam”

“OK !! show me the output”

“Here it is...” ...Ctrl+F9

“Okay..that looks okay..it could have been better…you should add comments where ever possible…”…bla bla bla..and one more bla….

Oh !!! she is gone….hmmm..she will never get satisfied…anyways..It’s over…

I started going towards the door

“Karthik !!! where r u going? Come over here. You still have VIVA left.”

Huh !!! Not again !!!

“Please sit “

“Thank you “

“Okay !! Tell me..What is a computer”

‘A computer is an electronic device…….tttttrrrrrrrrrrppppppp”..

I am the best..I am the best..I am the best.. Yah I am best

“What r macros?”

‘Sorry’

Did she hear me saying I am the best…

“What r libraries”

‘Pardon’

“What are command line arguments?”

‘Don’t know’

“What are inbuilt functions?”

‘Can u please repeat the question……’

Are these questions from Computer Science!!!! Huh !!!

“Okay one last question…Show me where is the serverin our lab”

Hmmm….Server is something big…yah it’s very big….bigger than CPU and monitor…now I have to find where it is….hmmm…

not that…that’s a switch board…not even that...that’s AC….hmmmm…which one is the server…..Oopps…that’s her again…

“Hey !!! Stop revolving in your chair and tell me..Which is the server?”

Hey that looks like a server….

’There it is’.…(pointing hand towards the UPS, but the faculty thought Karthik was pointing towards the system..kept on the table )

“Good…Why didn’t you tell me earlier if you knew that? Actually no one answered it correctly...Good keep it up”

“Thank you mam..thanks a lot…”

Yahoooo…..last ball..sixer..yipeeee………………….

From then on I never looked back, within hours I became the hero of the class. People started coming to me with their doubts.

I cleared all their doubts. Even that svelte gal came and asked “What’s ANSI C ?”. Till date she thinks Richie and Ancy are husband and wife.

Stop Smoking!!!

I won't Work On WeekEnds !!!!! Ha ha ha

If anyone asks you to work on a weekend...

Comedy of the year 2009!!!

“Karunaa”nidhii Fasting

First time in the world history fasting only 4 hours and that too with an AC …….

Fasting starts after breakfast and ending before lunch. Interesting one!!

IPL Match @1009

YOU CAN'T WIN WITH WOMEN!!!

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!'



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Difference Between Old and Youth Generation !!!

Software engineer and his wife!!!

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

TECHNOLOGY CARTOONS!!!

When Doctor Says ... (For Smokers and Drinkers)

(1) Smoke Once a Day ... !!!
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(2) Take just One Glass of Alcohol a Day !!!

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Murphy's laws on girls…..

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. The nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your college."
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....

The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1:
The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1:
The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys) .

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day
11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

Sradar ji !!!!!!!!!!

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote ur name on the sand ..............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
I got a HEART ATTACK



LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers


ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best


True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow



Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?



I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!


when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ..........pick d phone idiot


Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !


The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love


SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards


A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..


History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....


Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Hitler committed suicide

Software engg!!!

Sardar_Bananna

Sardaron par bahut jokes suney hai, here are some real Baniya Jokes….

• Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

• Baniya on his death time.

My wife, where r u ?

Wife:Yes, I’m here

My sons daughters ru all here?

Yes, Papa

• Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre

ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D

Baniya 14th floor se neche gira

Girte waqt usne

apni ghar ki khirki me

apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha

to chilla k bola

MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!

• Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.

Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.

Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,

Baniya ne phir khoon dia.

Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,

• Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?

Sheikh:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)

Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, kya

charges hongay?

NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.

Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".

Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!

Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .

Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale ..

• Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?

Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.

Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:

Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

Baniya ko bhoot charh gaya ,

3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola,

Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar jaon ga

Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha

Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha

Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

Smile Please Carefully...........

• Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti
  hain?
  Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
  
  
  
  * Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri
  sharan me aaye.
  Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan
  me aaye.
  
  
  
  * Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several
  women happy!
  
  
  
  * Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela
  beta dudh p k doctor banega.
  Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.
  
  
  
  * How do u identify a true music lover?
  A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to
  the keyhole instead of his eye!
  
  
  
  * Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka
  helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
  Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !
  
  
  
  * Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
  Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
  Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.
  
  
  
  * Height of Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano
  Car.......preferabl y with Gas Kit!!!
  
  
  * Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein
  Rahul kya hai?
  Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai...
  
  
  
  * What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to
  win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
  Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
  
  
  
  * Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya
  te kisi hor de nal suti si.
  Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!
  
  
  
  * 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a
  logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to driving without
  drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke
  
  
  
  * Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
  Santa: KHULE AAM...
  
  
  
  * There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job,
  Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right.
  
  
  * Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers.
  Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un logon ki?
  Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!
  
  
  
  * Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha,
  Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma,
  Bidi Piyegi ?
  
  
  
  * A cute Nurse came 4 the interview..
  Dr: What salary U Xpect?
  Nurse: Rs.10,000.
  Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
  Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
  
  
  
  * When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears
  flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru
  la...
  
  
  
  * Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho.
  Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America wale roj
  Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.
  
  
  
  * Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper
  Ultra.
  BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!
  
  
  
  * In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas
  a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36
  
  
  
  * Ladke wale ladki ka haath kab mangte hai????????? ??
  
  JAB LADKE KA HAATH THAK JATA HAI......... ......
  
  
  
  * Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na
  maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai bomb se uda do saale ko.
  
  
  
  * Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
  Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!
  
  
  
  * An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne
  inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
  Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
  
  
  
  * Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich
  and wear expensive branded clothes, when most beautiful things in life
  we do naked.
  
  
  
  * Teacher to class: A for?
  Class: Apple
  Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
  Class: Jai Mata Di
  
  
  
  * Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi
  Hon, Sabko MUMBAI bhej do
  
  
  
  * Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
  Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
  Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?
  
  
  
  * Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka
  to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6"
  ka hi hota hai.
  
  
  
  * In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
  Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.
  
  
  
  * Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and
  touch her anywhere she likes?
  A: Lifebuoy.
  
  
  
  * A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around
  ur knee..?
  Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

Contd........Amar....

Mistakes....

What they actually mean

If a barber makes a mistake, It's a

if a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path

if a engineer makes a mistake, It is a

If parents makes a mistake It is a

If a politician makes a mistake, It is a

If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a

if a tailor makes a mistake, It is a

if a teacher makes a mistake , It is a

If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea

if an employee makes a mistake, It is a "Mistake"

Sardar ji Back

Doctor And Sardar . Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai Dr: Kya? Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta Dr: aisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt Sardar and Home Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho? Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to? Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun and 2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile, 1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain. 2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to? 1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha Sardar and Police Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi. Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun. Sardar and prayer A sardar prays daily for 2 hours, "He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade." After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le" The real Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun? Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega Sardar and Hitler Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary" Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na" Sardar and Computer Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye. Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam? Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai. Two Sardars 1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye? 2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye 1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya . 1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge! Sardar: Mere uper se jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai? Sardar and Practical Exam In bio practical: Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only? Sardar: I don't know. Examiner: You are failed, what's your name? Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

Thanks,

-Amar..