When Doctor Says ... (For Smokers and Drinkers)

(1) Smoke Once a Day ... !!!
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(2) Take just One Glass of Alcohol a Day !!!

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Murphy's laws on girls…..

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. The nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your college."
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....

The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1:
The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1:
The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys) .

10. the day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3. Have a bad hair day
11. all the good girls are either nuns or married .the rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. the more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. the love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

Sradar ji !!!!!!!!!!

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote ur name on the sand ..............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
I got a HEART ATTACK



LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers


ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best


True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow



Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?



I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!


when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ..........pick d phone idiot


Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !


The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love


SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards


A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..


History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....


Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Hitler committed suicide

Software engg!!!

Sardar_Bananna

Sardaron par bahut jokes suney hai, here are some real Baniya Jokes….

• Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

• Baniya on his death time.

My wife, where r u ?

Wife:Yes, I’m here

My sons daughters ru all here?

Yes, Papa

• Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre

ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D

Baniya 14th floor se neche gira

Girte waqt usne

apni ghar ki khirki me

apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha

to chilla k bola

MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!

• Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.

Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.

Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,

Baniya ne phir khoon dia.

Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,

• Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?

Sheikh:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)

Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, kya

charges hongay?

NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.

Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".

Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!

Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .

Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale ..

• Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?

Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.

Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:

Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

Baniya ko bhoot charh gaya ,

3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola,

Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar jaon ga

Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha

Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha

Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

Smile Please Carefully...........

• Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti
  hain?
  Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
  
  
  
  * Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri
  sharan me aaye.
  Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan
  me aaye.
  
  
  
  * Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several
  women happy!
  
  
  
  * Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela
  beta dudh p k doctor banega.
  Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.
  
  
  
  * How do u identify a true music lover?
  A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to
  the keyhole instead of his eye!
  
  
  
  * Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka
  helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
  Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !
  
  
  
  * Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
  Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
  Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.
  
  
  
  * Height of Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano
  Car.......preferabl y with Gas Kit!!!
  
  
  * Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein
  Rahul kya hai?
  Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai...
  
  
  
  * What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to
  win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
  Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
  
  
  
  * Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya
  te kisi hor de nal suti si.
  Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!
  
  
  
  * 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a
  logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to driving without
  drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke
  
  
  
  * Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
  Santa: KHULE AAM...
  
  
  
  * There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job,
  Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right.
  
  
  * Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers.
  Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un logon ki?
  Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!
  
  
  
  * Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha,
  Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma,
  Bidi Piyegi ?
  
  
  
  * A cute Nurse came 4 the interview..
  Dr: What salary U Xpect?
  Nurse: Rs.10,000.
  Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
  Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
  
  
  
  * When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears
  flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru
  la...
  
  
  
  * Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho.
  Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America wale roj
  Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.
  
  
  
  * Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper
  Ultra.
  BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!
  
  
  
  * In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas
  a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36
  
  
  
  * Ladke wale ladki ka haath kab mangte hai????????? ??
  
  JAB LADKE KA HAATH THAK JATA HAI......... ......
  
  
  
  * Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na
  maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai bomb se uda do saale ko.
  
  
  
  * Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
  Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!
  
  
  
  * An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne
  inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
  Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
  
  
  
  * Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich
  and wear expensive branded clothes, when most beautiful things in life
  we do naked.
  
  
  
  * Teacher to class: A for?
  Class: Apple
  Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
  Class: Jai Mata Di
  
  
  
  * Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi
  Hon, Sabko MUMBAI bhej do
  
  
  
  * Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
  Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
  Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?
  
  
  
  * Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka
  to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6"
  ka hi hota hai.
  
  
  
  * In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
  Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.
  
  
  
  * Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and
  touch her anywhere she likes?
  A: Lifebuoy.
  
  
  
  * A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around
  ur knee..?
  Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

Contd........Amar....